My Own Version of the Quid Pro Quo

Posted: October 1, 2010 in Personal, Relationships

As I am roamed the internet for new material today, I visited my usual daily sites, blog, sources of inspiration.  Nothing really inspiring, except for one piece by Portia B., Quid Pro Quo.  Since on a personal level I had a series of mishaps happen in my life recently, and I have been in this rediscovering myself mode, I figured maybe I should write my own version of the consensual business agreement (CBA).  Hell, this might help me realize what I want, or willing to accept or not avoid all together.

Preamble Clauses

It is best to refer to my previously stated list of requirements in my previous post, the perfect woman.  With that out of the way, lets get somethings clear.  First, this might be a CBA, but this is still a relationship, it is not a tit-for-tat, not an eye for an eye, or a long-term barter deal.  Some people actually are selfless, and other who are usually selfish that learn to be selfless for someone special.

Second, I am modern man, meaning that I cook and can feed many people, I clean, I do my own laundry and I fold it meticulously, in a sense the dream of the modern woman came true, I don’t need you to do anything for me.  Never mind the fact that none of modern women can actually do any of these tasks.  Additionally, I don’t need your feminine touch, I have a good taste in art, I am well groomed and know how to shop for my self.  See, the woman, aside from the sex part is becoming obsolete, if we are talking in terms of man-needs of course.

Finally, the very simple way of making my self happy is to maintain no strings attached to any person.  This is the shortest line between point a to point b.  If you have no agape in your life, I guess one can then rely on a corporate style CBA, based on the give and take sufficing needs and such.

Terms of the contract are as follows

1. Do not cut me off your life every time we get the littlest of arguments, or the most colossal of detrimental events.  This in its self is a form of emotional terrorism.  And you know what The Strict Machine always says: “Say No to Emotional Terrorism!”  Blocking me off facebook, twitter, gtalk, etc is childish, immature, and most importantly shows how much you are really vested in this “CBA”.

2. You must love me when I have nothing, because one day I will have a lot, it is mandated on me.  Then I will not know what you (who ever you are) is in it for.  If you do not respect me for what I am as a person, you are not worth my time, and I need not worry about your respect or your interest for that matter.

3. Know that any woman who thinks it is her right to infringe on her significant other’s non-threating habits, ie. watching movies, playing a sport, etc is mildly delusional, narcessitic, and out of touch with reality.  Lets face it, most girls don’t like to do the awesome & cool stuff boys like to do, even though when they do they are great at it.  For example, I would like to spend my honeymoon in a hotel room that you can only reach with scuba diving gear, but I don’t think any girl I will marry will do that.  The point is, you cannot control someone you love, not because of  the lack of ability to control, but because you don’t love them.

4. Learn to listen, learn to actually use your ears. Learn the fact that if someone loves you, they are not being stubborn, learn that there you might actually be with a person who has a higher moral caliber than you do.  It is ok, you can accept it, none of us are perfect.  Know that I am good at persuasion, but I would never use that skill set on the people I love.  Keep this information in mind every time we get in an argument or we sit at a relaxed gay-bar to reminisce over my past mistakes and transgressions against you.

5. Keep this cardinal rule with you till the day you die.  If you want to be more than a disposable pest, don’t talk about family secrets. Its simple really.  Family/couple/state secrets are secrets for a reason, if you want to play that game called house one day, you better show that you are worthy of trust.  Trust comes with honesty not purity or the lack of mistakes.  If you can’t keep your mouth shut about the good, the bad & the ugly, I will go find someone who can.  They actually exist.

6. People indeed don’t cheat overnight, although some do, but mostly don’t.  It is always something deeper.  That said, know that honesty trumps cheating.  Love begets forgiveness, and that is how I operate.  If you like it you like it, if you don’t, the runway is that way.  That is not said to undermine the seriousness and the gravity of a cheater’s cruelty, there is nothing that justifies it.

7. Understand the fact that you are not righteous.  Don’t go on a I’m-holier-than-thou bender, don’t try to impress me with your ability to start spitting your rhetoric at me at the first sign of a mistake or weakness.  It gets old, and shows the hollowness behind it.  Its like snake oil medicine, its fake, especially when it happens every time, without-fail, I make a mistake no matter how big or small it is.

8. Realize that, whether we like it or not, there is a difference between the various statuses of a relationship, ie. seeing someone, dating, being in a serious relationship, being engaged, being married, and finally being divorced.  If this was not the case, women would not want be so eager to get married, or be in a serious relationship.  Also, if that was not true, men would not be so afraid of a serious relationship/marriage, this is because realize the magnitude of the difference in status.  With every variance in status come different and more complex obligations, things change to the better, or they at least should.  Things become more serious.  Like it or not, this is reality.

9. Know that I am honest, also know that this honesty results in me telling you the truth, which leads to undesirable consequences for none-confrontational individuals.  If you have friends I don’t like, I will express it in a nice way, unless there is a need to express it affluently.  It will not be brought up unless there is a need to.  Don’t expect me to like friends or family members of yours who sent me hate letters, were unwelcoming for illogical reasons, etc.  Don’t expect me to like friends who are a bad influence on you, however you are an adult, you can hang out with who ever you please, but drug addicts, soulless humans, and scumbags I won’t like whether they are your friends or not.  Its not personal.  Finally, don’t forget that I will frequently express my appreciation of great people in your life.  Again, this is not to please you, and this isn’t personal.

10. Know that: I eat. I pray. I love. I drink. I play. I fuck.  It’s just that I don’t have to get divorced and go to India to discover my spirituality, or travel to find good food, find the love of my life, or a fun time.  I can do all of this stuff in the comfort of my household, well maybe not the love of my life part.

11. Know that I know that I am awesome, also know that you are a ball of awesomeness.  That said, it is important to note that most people have children because they are selfish, additionally post people love their children because they are narcissistic and severely self absorbed.  They have children to extend their legacy, not to leave the world with a good human, or give the freedoms that they lacked to another generation.  It takes courage to be a great artist, and parenting is no science, it is an art.  As any other for of art, it takes great courage to be a great parent.

P.S. I might not need you to do anything for me, but I want you to, and more importantly, I need you emotionally.  This is something that men fail to highlight, and women fail to see.

Don’t under estimate the power of a little lie.  If it is leaked, it can easily snow ball into a nightmare that neither of us could handle.  Just keep that in mind.


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