Archive for the ‘Depression’ Category

I wanted to make you proud but I couldn’t.

I aimed to please you with my work but I failed.

I tried to win the race against time but I finished last.

I sought to please you with my new family but it never happened.

I fought to avenge you but your transgressors prevailed.

I attempted to honor your name while you are around but I am forced to wait.

I weathered the seas seeking the western promises under your blessing but I have yet to reach a shore.

You believed in me when the entire world did not.

You gave me hope when all was lost.

You granted me a chance when no one else did.

You said “Go child, seize the world” and I haphazardly implemented.

You call me your son yet I do not act like one.

You continue to believe in me yet I don’t.

You pushed me to pursuit the western promises and I doubted.

You are the kindest father I have,

the supportive pillar I was granted.

Please do not go, not now, not in pain.

You gave us your life and its works yet we ask for your flesh.

You did your best and for us it was not enough.

You continue to sacrifice for us and we see nothing but our ugly selves.

You offer gratefully and we snatch unappreciatively.

You bestow diamonds to cover plump necks yet we judge you for swapping your weary collar.

You risk death heeding our feelings and we in vigor disregard yours.

You are ever grateful for our mere existence while we await the end of your triumphant self.

If it means anything, I am I grateful.

I am sorry I could not do more for you.

I love you.

We are not going to last long in this flood of mud
Strut my friend, better scamper … lets go vanish
Acquire shelter from this hellish inferno
And be aware there is still a chance of setting ablaze
Take heed, pause … hold this tremble
Suppress the spitfire stance in this body
Apprehend the fiery being in your nature
This body is holding the captive inside
Trepidation and antagonism together dictate
That will be the essence of the downfall
Hide and hibernate, let matters be and all will facilitate
All the dust will settle, only then articulate, even postulate
Its coming, layer upon layer, now it comes
This is murky waters, their screams echo with the ripples

Something unknown will come about, maybe even someone
But what is really an unknown person?
Surely everyone is known to someone
Let it not fool the wise, let not the trickery lead the shrewd
Pay attention … listen to the tune of utter destruction
The definitive determination of hatred
Destroying its doers and all its beholders
Close those lids or get cursed with the perishable ones
Turn this back on the lava and the flame
Elsewise, a pillar of salt you will become

Catatonic

Posted: February 16, 2010 in Depression

In the midst of things, I pause and wonder …
Where were their dreams in the many years that had past?
A shame it is for all the years that had past with nothing attained …
To be true to thy self and to be sincere to ye cause,
It is imposturous to claim competency in those verdicts that had past.
No utter description or definitive explanation could portray,
the consequences, the penalty or the cost of this sheer dismay.
It all seems as if the mind was catatonic and cold,
Rigidity ruled and nothing was ever bold.