When a World Ends II: The Spy

Second entry: The Spy

Ohhhh you . . . You flipped my life upside down,
inside out, irrational and unwise.  I might be writing this due to my recent brush with Miss Congeniality or the recent mishaps with Miss Beautiful Disaster, but in reality your spirit is behind any creativity in this post.  Aside from the fact that you introduced me to “The Face Book”, back when no one knew what it was, no other human has inspired me to write so affectionately as much as you have.  Short and sweet it was, maybe it meant nothing to little to you, but for me the impact was impeccably sensational.  Only a couple of months long, with long winded “love” letters travelling back and forth, flying to  random cities to live the moment, laying in bed, sharing headphones, consuming the lavish room-service main course with our young hands instead the cutlery we dropped on the floor a few minutes before.

Come to think of it, I won that battle of the roses.  My letters in the end trumped yours, and you stopped putting as much effort in them, even though you continued on calling.  Maybe it was because calls where not recorded like our words were, maybe its due to the fact that I spent hours on hours in sleepless night to craft those letters?  You did not have the time, you were young and on a mission, I was wrapping up mine and getting ready to start a stable life.  Six years later, I see you.  You are older, you are wiser, you are less of a loose canon, yet your eyes are the same and your heart isn’t.

For some reason, it is much easier to write about you,  maybe its the comfort that I have all our letters saved, or perhaps that I know that you are the one that doesn’t hold a grudge against me.  What ever it is, it made it easier to write you up first.

Way back then, in the hotel room, in the Rome of this century we told jokes:

The Spy: “What is one Palestinian in the sea?” . . .”Polution”.  “What is all Palestinians in the sea?”  . . . “Solution”

The Strict Machine: “Well . . . How many Jews can you fit in a BMW”.  “Two in the front, two in the back seat, and 96 in the ashtray”

We laugh. We sleep. We are gone the next day. Forever gone.

Next episode will discuss the one and only, The Vixen . . .

When a World Ends: Intro. & Miss Congeniality

‎”Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being ‘in love,’ which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.” –St. Augustine

I wanted to do this for a while.  Instead of just living the memories in my mind, write them down, lest I forget, lest I render them, shape them or mold them to fit what I have become.  Putting my inhibitions aside, forgetting the notion, that our emotions can be kept at bay, or swept away.

Due to emotionally horrific events that occurred recently, and after deep thought, I decided to write about the most influential relationship I had over the past ten years and share them, bare, with the world.  This is the least I owe my self, my memories, and the ones who molded and sculpted my perception of relationships, more importantly my self and what I need.  This will probably require more than one post, I figured I could start with the ones that crashed and burned a long time ago.  The ones that I am at 100% peace with.  There certainly be a second installment, if not more.

This will be a series of posts, episodes if you will.  I will neither go in order of impact magnitude nor historical lineage.  Also, don’t assume intimacy or the lack of which.  This will be a spew of memories, just how like my unfiltered brain works every day.  These are memories that will stay with me till either I or the world ends, which ever comes first.

Without any further verbosity, here is subject number one: Miss Congeniality

For the sake of simplicity, I will refer to this very unique creature with the initials MC, for Miss Congeniality.  Its a damn shame she asked me to delete all our pictures together when “our” world ended.  There was this perfect picture of our feet toying around in the Venice Beach, CA sand, with the Pacific Ocean as the background.  Long lost now thanks to feminine emotions and me keeping my word.  There were so many pictures that are long gone, completely erased from the history of mankind, forever gone.

The pictures might have been deleted, but the memories are safe in my brain.  This superlative connection ended because of one thing, and one thing only, the epic, ever-old clash of religions.  She is on one side of the thick red line, and I am on the other, she wanted to ignore it, but my experience with The Vixen hardened me and made me realize that it is not possible to work it out.  People fool themselves everyday thinking that they can make things work even if their core beliefs are completely different.  It is possible, but then, there is always something at the bottom of your heart that you don’t fully share.  It does not matter if you come from the same religious/cultural back ground, this is not the trick here, its what is in your heart and mind.

You are owed this much, you were the first woman to show me the real meaning of comfort, the true meaning of passion.  You were so bright, smart and witty, and I was so proud of it.  My friend heard my many words about you, when he saw you first he said “I hear you are really smart, now tell me something smart”.

It was your attention to the details, I buy a box of fortune cookies on a rainy day, you send me a silver fortune-cookie ornament in my birthday gift package.  The Christmas card that I yelled at you for sending, the call after my first debate and my face on TV.  The hell you had to go through to spend time with me.  It was your unwavering attempts to make me happy on my birthday, your acceptance when I told you I was sick and contagious.

The memory of you & I playing in the waves, on an isolated beach, then one wave carying your little body and dropping you so hard that you broke your ankle, I had to carry you till I couldn’t, I had to leave you alone to get help.  Then at the hospital you assumed my last name for the official records.  We smiled, we laughed, you were in pain, yet still making my world such a happy place.  You were falling apart, and I forced you to carry on, on a wheel chair I put you on an airplane.  It was the last time I saw you in that way, with the eyes of a lover.

Needless to say, this was probably the relationship that continues to define me the most till this day.  You made me realize what I want in woman, I want you, maybe not entirely, but you set the standard pretty damn high.  I know one day you will be present in my funeral.  Many women are cursing your living daylights every waking day after you came into my life.  It makes me so happy.

Next entry will discuss The Spy.  Stay tuned . . .

Will My Real Girlfriend Please Stand Up? (A Guide for Guys)

By Portia B.

This is one of my favorite posts I read over the past two years.  Its witty, its true, and it never gets old.  When I first read this I immediately fell in love with the writer. Clearly, I thought, she knows her women . . .

The women you date may come in different shapes and sizes; hail from different parts of the nation, even the world. But when you’re spending some one-on-one time with her, you want to know the real deal. After all the dinner dates and few casual encounters, who is she truly? Will the both of you make it? I’ve classified all women into a sweeping generalization of nine distinct categories. Chances are you can find your lady amongst one of these and eventually figure out if you should linger or leave.

The I’m-A-Lot-Smarter-Than-I-Look Chick

This girl looks like a scene-queen, dresses from Paris or maybe dresses like Paris. She’ll hang out till 4 am, laugh at stupid jokes and be very up to par on shows you could care less about, like The Hills. Looks can be deceiving; underneath this mask is a wickedly smart lady. Book smart, street smart, money smart, you name the topic and she’ll make Wikipedia seem uninformed. She hides her intelligence as a way of social adaptation, and to not intimidate men who scare easily. The good to dating her is that, like a chameleon, she can fit in anywhere. She can hold her own conversation at a corporate dinner party, or play beer pong in your mother’s basement.  She’s probably the one you should marry, but you’re not smart enough to recognize it at the time, so you decide to date…

The I-Used-To-Be-Ugly-and-Now-I’m-Hot Chick

She’s smokin’ hot. You feel the urge to drool. You often wonder how you got her. In fact, you think you’re not worthy. Until one day you see an old picture of her and cringe. How could that be the same person? Rest assured, she hasn’t had 10 surgeries in one day (unless you’re dating Heidi Montag). She’s beyond the days of AquaNet and braces, and transformed into a true swan.  So don’t concern yourself over what she looked like in 10th grade. Chances are you had a case of acne or poor hair grooming decisions. The upside to dating her is you’re incredibly attracted to her. The downside to dating her is that she might be insecure over who she was, and might overcompensate by being very showy, or constantly seek validation.

The My-Ex-Boyfriend-Was-a-Cheater-So-You-Must-Be Chick

So she’s slightly jaded from the former jerk that cheated on her. She thought she was over it, did her little song-and-dance with her girlfriends about how men are Satan. Eventually she tired and realized she missed dating and loved men. Enter: you. Be wary if you’re the first guy she dates after the cheater, she will be disgustingly suspicious. Who can blame her? Being betrayed sucks, and our natural instincts work towards self-preservation. She wants to make sure it never happens again. Still, you shouldn’t have to be a scapegoat for someone else’s blunder. Be sincere with her and we regret to have to say this to you, but just in case it hadn’t occurred to you, do not cheat on her. Not unless you plan on recruiting members to the man-hating society. The pro of dating her is that she’ll be super loyal. The golden rule typically plays here. The con to dating her is that she might misdirect her revenge and cheat on you. If she doesn’t do that, she might be quick to place blame and look at you with squinting eyes when you tell her you were out late with the boys. Be prepared to have an alibi.

The-I’m-One-of-the-Dudes Chick

She prides herself on being one of the guys. Before meeting you most of her friends were guys, and after meeting you, her circle has expanded to your male friends as well. She watches football, guzzles beer, checks out other women, and has a fierce competitive spirit. She’s the eternal tomboy. Hanging with her is so easy because there’s the element of friendship plus attraction. Hopefully, right? If she’s so busy burping the alphabet, you may wistfully want to see a more feminine side that may hardly surface. The good thing about dating her is you don’t have to censor yourself in her presence. She doesn’t get grossed out or offended when you fart. The bad thing about dating her is that you may not want her at every guy-gathering. If she’s always crashing your bro-bonding, you may grow to resent it.

The Commitment-Free Chick

You will automatically label her as hard to get. She lives her life to the fullest, travels, works, has a busy schedule, and somehow manages to fit you on her blackberry calendar. Your dates consist of 11pm rendezvous’ at a wine bar, strategically located between her job and apartment. She’ll tell you she doesn’t want a commitment. She’ll tell you there is too much going on in her life. She’ll tell you she’s a free spirit. Do notfall in this trap. Repeat. Twice. You’ll soon discover she eventually wants to settle down but doesn’t want you crowding her space initially. The wonderful thing about dating her is that, you can date other women and not feel guilty about it! The difficult thing about dating her is that , you may want to commit, or may want someone a little more involved in your life, rather than sporadic dates here and there.

The Foreign Chick

Thank goodness for globalization. Or airplanes for that matter.  Your Brazilian, French or Australian girl is incredibly sexy, the way she rolls her r’s is hypnotizing. But it’s also the different culture and perspective that makes you appreciate her. You always feel exotic and relaxed as if you’re on vacation around her. She may have moved to U.S. soil for school, a Victoria’s Secret job or maybe you found her on Facebook. You realize history lessons would have been a lot more interesting in high school if they brought in natives from other countries to teach. Your friends are all jealous. What you need to control, though, is your competitive urge to find out what her male counterparts look like.  The great thing about dating her is how much worldly exposure you’ve gained from her. You start watching futbol even when it’s not World Cup season. The not-so-great thing about dating her is that she might not get some of the cultural references if there’s a language barrier. She might also want to go back to her mother-land, leaving you girlfriend-less.

The Eternal-Student Chick

You met her at college. You were just friends. You both graduated. You got a job. She got a masters degree. You got a second job. She got a PhD. This woman has yet to face the real world because she’s nestled in the world of academia. You kept bumping into each other at local bars, until you figured out it was fated to date. She makes you miss school, if only because it means not dealing with a psychotic boss and working long hours nuking your stale coffee. She also restores your youth by keeping you in the loop with what kids are doing nowadays. It doesn’t hurt that you secretly admire how cerebral she is. You’ll love dating her because you’re automatically smarter because of it. She has a more flexible schedule than you and thus can be very spontaneous. You’ll hate dating her because she won’t have any money, will complain incessantly about professors and occasionally check out the guys on campus.

The Damsel-in-Distress Chick

This cute lady is sensitive and has a low shock tolerance. You met her by rescuing her puppy from becoming road kill, or carrying her groceries on a cold Sunday morning. You’re drawn to how cute and helpless she is. She’ll make you feel like a hero, which comes in handy when other areas of life seem to tell you you’re not. You’re good at being protective, and this chick will always give you new material. The warm and fuzzy thing about her is that she really is endearing and will bake you cookies just because it’s Wednesday.  Just thinking about her brings a smile to your face. The annoying thing about her neediness and lack of self- sufficiency, is that the woe-is-me act gets old, fast.

The Sex-Maniac Chick

You know what they say about saving the best for last. Everyone should date her at one point or another. She’s not afraid of her sexuality and more so not afraid to take you along for the ride (ha). She wants to do it in the coat check room, on the train, any where at least 1.5 people can fit. No fantasy is too kinky for her to fullfill. She’ll never complain about her butt being too big or her hair frizzing; she’s completely comfortable in her skin. The awesome thing about dating her is self-explanatory. The only drawback is you might lack the energy to work, talk, walk, or function in any way. However, if she makes you a sandwich after a marathon, marry her.

Conclusion

If you’re in denial that your girlfriend is one of these women, she’s either a hybrid or a liar.  Regardless, it’s your discretion in dating that will allow you to be successful. Like a good suit, a woman that fits you well reflects your style, adds confidence and feels freeing. An ill-suited mate feels awkward, binding and forced.  At the very least, you’ll learn about yourself in the process and it will allow you to reflect about what you bring to the table. Until then, enjoy yourself and hopefully you’re getting as much action as your credit card.

Dude you have no Quran!

In light of my grim post from yesterday, highlighting what some people might do to desecrate books people hold sacred and consider holy, here is a video that made me proud of the actions of some.  Apparently, a Quran burning was scheduled to take place on September 11th, 2010 in Amarillo, TX.  As David Grisham, the alleged leader of the Quran burning mob was distracted fending off a group protesting his actions, a man described as an American skateboarder and resident of Amarillo, TX, Jacob Isom, snatched away the Quran away from the burning pit and handed it to a religious leader from the Islamic Center of Amarillo. Bad ass move I say! Here is to Isom for his hair bob, weird pony tail, seventies porn mustache, his BCGs and last but not least, his actions.  Apparently I am not the only one who is fond of his move, some DJ decided to release a remix of Isom’s couplet into a catchy tune.  Without further ado here is the DJ’s the the epic auto-tune tribute to Jacob Isom. Enjoy!

P.S. If any of you know where one can find the mp3 for this, hook it up!

Porn Targeting the Desecration of the Quran

Disclaimer:  Pornographic material ahead, please do not view of you are not of legal age in your area.  The following material might prove EXTREMELY offensive to many people, especially Muslims, please proceed with caution.  Please note that neither the author of this post nor the person that directed him to the material mentioned in this post endorse or support the material being discussed in this post.  Personally, even though I am not a Muslim, I find it disgusting and extremely repulsive.  When I realized that this is out there and no one knows about it, I decided to share it with the world in a merely informative act.

When I first started this blog, like any other writer, I wanted to get more exposure, more hits-per-day if you will.  So the naive person I am googled “how do you make your blog more popular?” and I found this.  The first tip in this handy advice was “Start a controversy. Just remember not to cross the line”.  Anyway, so recently after I started this blog, I was visiting Florida, and even though I was keeping this whole blog identity a secret, I told a trusted Floridian about it during my visit and I asked this person and their sibling to share things with me that I can post that might be interesting to my readers.  Well this was a while back, and I had completely forgotten about the advice given on that website and the conversation I had with my native Floridian friends.  Long story short, a few days ago, I get an email with the following simple words: “Yo, you wanted controversy, check this shit out . . . its on the 2nd page” this was complimented with a link to a store within the pay-per-view smutty pornographic website called Clips4Sale.  While I thought I was knowledgeable regarding all internet activities relate to pornography, I was wrong.  After some research I discovered that this website is basically a shopping mall that provides a space for the mildest to the most extreme of freaks the space to meet vendors willing to cater to their fetishes.  Some of the things I found on this website are beyond disturbing, incest fantasies, taboo sexual arousal based on skin-color based insults, etc. I can write so much about this cesspool of filth, but I will save it for a rainy day.

As directed by this friendly yet illusive message, I clicked the link to Tara Tainton XXX‘s clip store.  Like her peers, this seemed like another fetish-vendor.  As I browsed my way to the second page, there it was, the title was extremely shocking “Humiliating You by Defiling Your Precious Qur’an and Islamic Religion“, for $15.99 you can get the entire 12 minutes of Quran and Islam insults.  I personally did not buy the clip, but watched the preview over and over in disbelief of what I was seeing.  The description of the video in its self was jaw dropping: “Is this your precious Qur’an? The book that you live by? The text that you read daily and hold as sacred? What do these words really mean to you? HMMMMM??? I think it’s all a bunch of ! Wanna know what I think of the Qur’an? Islam? Even Mohammad and Allah?!?!? Oh, let me show you all the ways I’m going to defile, rip, soak, tear, crush, wipe my ass, and clean the toilet with your beliefs! xoxo, Tara” I don’t plan on buying the clip, and I really hope you don’t either, lets not support this filth.

What is also creepy about this whole situation is following quote from the homepage of that website “Tara loves hearing suggestions! Submit your FETISH FANTASY or SEXY SCRIPT suggestion for Tara’s consideration FREE OF CHARGE. Your personal fantasies could come to life right here in your favorite store!“.  Now you gotta ask your self, did someone actually ask for this, and why?

Even though it seems that she is using some printed pages, and not the real thing, I believe this is against proper disposal protocol of disposing of any holy book.  I remember back in the day in my college career, one night I was hanging out with a bunch of dudes, completely out of my comfort zone.  They smoked pot and I didn’t, and at some point they ran out of zigzags, then they started sharing running-out-of-zigzags stories.  One struck me hard.  Apparently, one of them was hanging out in  some hotel in the US smoking up with his boys, and when they ran out of zigzags, they pulled the courtesy Gideon bible out of the night stand and used its paper to roll joints.  I was in shock, I was speechless, needless to say I was heart broken.  We have all seen the naughty nun fantasies, the catholic priest and alter boys (which are kind of true), but stories/incidents like these crosses all the lines . . .

. . . مصر إيه

مصر إيه غير “فيلم ثقافي” لكل شاب مصري، و تحرش جنسي بكل شابة مصرية

The following words were tweeted today by @ANaje, I had to consolidate and repost them. Enjoy.

،مصر ايه غير مبارك وشوية زبالة ودخان قاهري ملوث
،مصر أيه غير ابو تريكة بيعمل اورل سكس مع عمرو خالد
،مصر أيه غير راقصة برتغالية بترقص في مطعم مكسيم
،مصر أيه غير قذفة منوية من زبر الشاعر ألفونسو، وجزء من صدر شيرين، وضربة جيتار من تامر حسنى
،مصر أيه غير شوية مدونات بتشتم في مبارك والحكومة، وتدعو للوحدة الوطنية
،مصر أيه غير عمرو ذكى بيطبع قبلة على جبين الحضرى، ومشجع زملكاوى بيتحرق
،مصر ايه غير مرتضى منصور يلعب البوكر بيد وبالثانية يطلق النار
،مصر أيه غير نيل معفن مليان جثث حيوانات ميتة
،مصر ايه غير سيقان علاء غانم المسلوخة و بزاز غادة عبد الرازق المدلدلة
،مصر ايه غير جرايد معارضة بتنشر صور واخبار مبارك اكتر من الجرايد القومية
،مصر ايه غير فيلم بيخرجه خالد يوسف ويمنتجه محمد عواض
،مصر ايه غير قصيدة بضان لفاروق شوشة، وقصيدة ابضن لعبد الرحمن الابنودى
.مصر ايه غير ريحة السجاد المعفن في مسجد الحسين

Definition: Emotional Terrorism

I have been using this term for a while now.  After an extensive search, I could not find an academic working definition of it, so I decided to come up with a working definition for future posts.

“Just Say NO to Emotional Terrorism”

Emotional Terrorism: “The premeditated threat or use of emotional coercion against non-combatants, civilians, significant others, imaginary significant others or other members of society that have a predefined social relationship by organized or unorganized male or female element(s) to create fear, pressure and emotional negativity & pain in order to achieve various long and short-term personal objectives.”

Emotional Terrorist: “The use, planned use, or threatened use, of emotional terrorism by an individual or a group of individuals to intimidate or coerce an individual or a group of individual to advance and achieve long and/or short-term personal objectives.”

Thoughts on Emotional Terrorism

“A lot of people think Emotional Terrorism is a predisposed set of tools used by individuals involved in an intimate relationship.  I must admit, I was the victim of such misconception prior to thoughtfully researching the topic in more depth and detail.  Victims of Emotional Terrorism exist in demographics of society, but I guess they are more prevalent in partners of intimate relationships, or perhaps more accurately are generated and cultivated more often in and through intimate relationships.  Here is an example of the Modern Emotional Terrorist, clearly both parties, the writer and the individuals she writes about, are involved in an emotional War of Attrition. ” The Strict Machine

———-

“Those of us working in the field of domestic violence are confronted daily by the difficult task of working with women in problematical families. In my work with family violence, I have come to recognize that there are women involved in emotionally and/or physically violent relationships who express and enact disturbance beyond the expected (and acceptable) scope of distress. Such individuals, spurred on by deep feelings of vengefulness, vindictiveness, and animosity, behave in a manner that is singularly destructive; destructive to themselves as well as to some or all of the other family members, making an already bad family situation worse. These women I have found it useful to describe as “family terrorists.”” Erin Pizzey

———-

“When you have a relationship, at home or at work, with a person who’s constantly humiliating you, harassing you, pressuring on you, taking pleasure in your pain, saying negative things about you or making you feel worthless, then you are caught in a situation of emotional terrorism.

By staying in a relationship with someone who feels the need to put you down and beat you up (physically or psychologically), you actually keep on feeding his destructive attitude.  It’s hard to conceive why so many people stay together with such a partner, but they do. This is because of a belief that they don’t deserve any better, that they are not worthy of real love. They lack self-respect and don’t really consider getting out of the relationship. They are stuck because the vibrational energy of the dysfunctional relationship matches the low level of their own self-esteem.

People without self-respect attract, by their vibration, abusive individuals who then “confirm” that they don’t deserve any respect. The outside world mirrors to you what’s going on inside yourself. If you have a partner who is beating you up, then that’s because somehow you are already beating yourself up from inside. Does your partner constantly harass you? Does your partner drown you with negative remarks, no matter what you do? Then start by looking to how you are harassing yourself, and how many negative remarks you are aiming at yourself. Being surrounded with negative people is caused by your relationship with yourself being very degrading as well.

Your partner doesn’t love you? This first thing to look at is whether you really love yourself. Because if you love yourself, so will your partner. If you love yourself, then it is impossible for an unloving partner to remain in your life. If you maintain a positive inner dialogue with yourself, then you are simply not aligned with a person that is trashing you with negativity. When you find yourself in a long-term relationship with such a person, then this is testimony to how bad your relationship with yourself really is.” Ineke Van Lint

———–

“In his posting of August 1, Fr. Sam Bassett describes what he calls Emotional Blackmail–a whining “don’t say that because it hurts my feelings” comment that one would expect from a 4 year old throwing a tantrum, but not from an adult who is participating in a supposedly logical and reasoned discussion.  If you encounter this behavior, your best course of action is to halt the conversation and walk away.  There is no reasoning with some people.

A more blatant type of emotional blackmail that I call emotional terrorism has bceome much more commonplace and even socially acceptable to the point where it’s difficult to go through the day without encountering it.  I call it the “you made me” argument– “you offended me,” or “you make me feel as though”.  These and similar statements are used, often unconsciously, to shift emotional responsibility from the person feeling the emotion to some other person or thing.  It’s the adult equivalent of blaming and ranks right up there with “the devil made me do it” on the scale of credibility, and leads to comical incidents like this.  Or they would be comical if people didn’t take them so seriously …

The key point that most people these days seem to be missing is that they have the choice to be offended or not.  It’s up to the individual to decide if the weather, the stock market, or somebody’s comment affects their happiness.  Emotional maturity, a trait that is sadly lacking in most adults, involves understanding that your happiness is up to you, that if you feel offended it’s because youchoose to feel offended.  “You made me…” becomes “I feel offended when you say that because…”  That places the responsibility for the feeling squarely where it belongs, and allows for reasoned discussion of emotional issues that otherwise would devolve quickly into screaming tantrums and physical violence …

I’m not saying that it’s easy.  It’s difficult sometimes to accept the responsibility for the way that you feel and the way that you react to people and events.  But it’s the only way to live in a civilized world.” Jim Mischel

Fuck you Eminem!

Remember when Eminem used to be funny? Remeber when he used to be angry? When he used to be crazy? Real? Yeah, not anymore!

Eminem’s new hit single, Love the Way You lie (ft. Rihanna) has women of all ages reaching for the Kleenex box after a few drinks, a crippled relationship or deep thought at spin class.  Almost every woman I talked to about this song says the following generic statement in some way, shape or form: “But you don’t understand, I have been through things that connect me to this song”.  Every time I hear this, without fail, I want to gag and barf.

It is a known fact in the music industry that if you want to sell your music quickly you target women, preferably teenage girls, who mostly can’t stomach the gut wrenching trouble of bootlegging or torrenting their favorite tunes, but to women in general.  I just didn’t think that Eminem would stoop so low in the mainstream trick-basket to sell his music.  Oh wait, maybe I shouldn’t call him mainstream he might throw the first fist and have his boys fuck me up like he did to Vincent Chase.  Meh, I am disappointed in him.

Side note: Off the twitter feed

@jeremypiven: @eminem Good work on Entourage tomorrow night Em, although don’t quit the day job kid… 4:46 PM Sep 11th via txt

@eminem: @jeremypiven thanks dad… You were great in Old School. Now you’re just old. 4:48 PM Sep 11th via Twitter for BlackBerry® in reply to jeremypiven

This is not the first time we see Eminem stray away from his white-trash selling points.  Marshall Bruce Mathers the third has bombarded us with his self-hating political rhetoric (It wasn’t his bleached blond hair that gave away his white-ness, it was his choice in recreational drugs) in both the far and recent pasts.  After all, this single-issue-voter/artist does indeed make Steve Earle look like Toby Keith.  But that didn’t get him anywhere, after he vocally campaigned for Barack “Hope” Obama, on the premise of bringing the troops home, Eminem’s Superman (No not his song Superman, which is most excellent by the way).  Sadly, for M&M, America’s 44th president sent 40,000 more troops to Afghanistan, pushing the offensive further and making 2009 & 2010 the deadliest years for America’s service members in Afghanistan.  But Marshall should understand, after all he pulls his “unloaded” piece out in car audio stores and in an assortment of arguments.

To his credit, instead of digging deeper into the hole, he took a couple of steps back and decided to craft one of those wrecked-relationship tracks that are illusive enough and have a word or two that will cater to anyone out there.  Once again, to his credit, this is a form of art that is hard to be mastered.  I call it the A Matter of Perspective art, coining the term after @almojadidi‘s brilliant frictional post.  The type of art in which, anyone can take it, morph it and milk it, making of it whatever the hell he/she wants.

Getting back to my initial point, Eminem’s latest lyrical masterpiece (sarcastic tone!) sickens me to my core.  It is also kind of ironic that this track’s featured artist, Rhianna, is  a victim of domestic abuse.  Contrary to his lyrical suggestions however, she did not go running back to her mans. Instead, she ran to the police & Jay-z, then Brown got arrested and apologized like a little bitch in a baby-blue bow-tie on Larry King after Jay-Z put the fear of God in him.  This whole song is one big sad experince.

Finally, here is my humble message to Eminem: Get back on the numbing pills man, head back to the 313, develop gangster artists through Shady/Aftermath, or do what ever it takes to get back to the old Eminem, because what you are becoming is a heartrending end.  It is the antitheses of what you were.

Yours truly,

The Strict Machine

Canada: The Comedy

With every passing day here in Canada, I realize that this place isn’t just imperfect, but flawed beyond repair.  My hope that this post will be a first in a series of harsh criticisms.  May God help me . . . and help you too, you’ll be on the receiving end after all.

As some of you might already know, I am a stanch America sympathizer, Canadian by neutralization, and Egyptian by birth.  My life revolves around much travelling, mostly between Canada, Egypt and the US.  I was always critical of governance practices in Canada, but now, it is not just governance that I have a beef with, its the people, the culture(s), the vibe.

Perhaps some might think that I do not have the right to critisize, after all I am originally from a country that just declared Jihad on its Christian minority, the Copts.  There is no remorse here ladies and gentlemen, I refuse to compare to what is less, only to what is more.

It is hard to nail down when exactly my eyes were opened to the real Canada, I believe a series of events during this summer that made me realize that I am yet another victim of this fake image Canadians propel to the rest of the world about their country.  Hence I am forced to write this post.  Below is the series of events that will help me relay the message across, but before I get to this, here is the message:

“English-speaking Canada is not much different than the United States, as much as Canadians try to convince you otherwise, they are lying.  French speaking Canada, is not Canada, its part of Europe. Period.  Canadians are not as nice as they seam, their healthcare is not federal, and it is some what of a failure.  Canadians suffer from an inferiority complex and struggle with a major identity crisis”

Now let me explain . . .

Tequila & Politics

This event was mentioned in a post by a fellow Toronto-based blogger, Assem Memon.  In his own words he describes what he saw “At #LoserKaraoke . . . it was all fine and dandy until we stepped out around midnight for some fresh air and noticed a heated argument.  Both the curiosity and our Egypt-iness (sic) resulted in our distant involvement. Put simply, [five] drunk guys where picking on and mocking a homeless woman . . . people stepped in and picked sides and discussions started”

While I don’t agree with analysis or his interpretation of what he saw, he does make good points.  What he fails to mention in his post is that the those five individuals were frustrated, conservative, upper-class Canadians, who were conveying their frustration with some of Canada’s socialist programs in the worst way they could.

Regardless, this opened my eye to one big fat Canadian lie.  There are Neo-Cons in Canada as well, and in a sizable number.  There are anti-taxation rallies, and the whole nine. So please Canadians, don’t call conservative Americans stupid, kindly, tend to your own tea-baggers 🙂

The Canadian Experience, what ever the hell that is

This conversation went on for tens of minutes, then there was the fuse.

Insurance Sales Person: “Excuse me sir, but you do not have Canadian-Experience” …

The Strict Machine: “Well listen buddy, I indeed do not have Canadian-Experience, but guess what, I have American-Experience, and I hate to break it to ya, and burst your bubble, but that sure as hell trumps your Canadian-Experience . . . What the hell is this Canadian-Experince everyone keeps talking about anyways? Are you talking about the magical Irish leprechauns that keep chasing the gold pots at the end of the damn rainbows all over Toronto?  Because you can see these mother fuckers anywhere, you just have to do the right kind of shrooms. You fuck!”

Canadian hatred – America is evil, we must hate it

It is an ignored fact that most Canadians live close to their American neighbors, while the reverse isn’t true.  It is also a fact that Canada’s population is literally one tenth of America’s.  Another forgotten fact is that America was established by independence seekers while, loyalists to the crown ran up north to what now is Canada.

Canadian animosity towards the United States is comparable to parts of the Middle East, except in the case of Canada it is worse, simply because Canadians are in denial of  their “second-best” status that comes along with it. At least in the Middle East, people go burning American flags in the morning and by night they loath their pittful lives as they apply for the Green Card lotto online.

The Canadian Identity’s essence is the following statement “Not American”

“Unlike America, we are . . .” (Insert what ever pillow fluffing argument)

“We don’t care about America . . . It means nothing to us”

“We hate America”

And much much more to come . . .

مصر التي لا أعرفها

By Dina Wahba

This is a post that I came across that for some reason reminded me of this video, and boy do I feel the same about Egypt, a country that now embraces the ban of Christian players from its national soccer team & threatens modern-jihad against its minorities.  I decided to repost the aforementioned post without the permission of the writer. The beauty of the internets! Here is the original post . . .

Egypt is becoming increasingly unrecognizable to me! I no longer know what to expect from my surrounding environment..I haven’t been writing for a while but at this point I had to.. the whole point of this note is to share some incidents I have been witnessing..I don’t mean to judge or condemn in anyway I just don’t know what to make of all of this..I apologize to the people I quote in this note (I won’t mention names) but I hope they don’t find it offensive in any way

Incident no. 1:

I realized that lma bamshy f el share3 m3a so7aby w netshetem mab2enash 7ata nest3’rab we just move on 3ady gedan! What happened lately (w mkntsh awel mara) I was walking with my friend w wa7ed shab 3ady gedan rakeb 3arbya (y3ny msh 3amel wla bawab) tele3 2aly “RABENA YA7’ODKO YARAB”!!!

Incident no. 2:

A conversation with some of my friends:

Guy one: Y3ny ento b2a 7aseen en ento motahdeen maslan ”with a sarcastic tone”?

Me: La2 7’ales..bas bamshy fe el share3 el regala bted3y 3lya!

Guy two: maho msh m3nah en e7na bned3y 3la 7ad yeb2a eny deh 3’altet el ragel..tab ma7na bnd3y 3la Israel!!!

Me: HOA ANA BA2ET ISRAEL!!!!!

Girl one: tab hoa enty konty labsa eh? 7aga cut y3ny aw keda?

Me: LA2A! w 7ata law ana labsa cut astahel eny 7ad yed3y 3lya f el share3!!! Bas 3mtan ana mesh mothda wla 7aga w wa7’da 7o2oy kolha

A friend’s status:

Bottom of Form

“واحد سائق قال لى مبقاش راجل لو سبتك تعدى بعربيتك الأول ممكن حد يشرحلى الرجولة هنا ؟””

Incident no. 3:

I was sitting in City Stars.. two foreigners were sitting in the table across mine..a guy and his girlfriend..the guy sat beside his girlfriend and started holding her and maybe they kissed, I am not sure I didn’t really look I saw this with the corner of my eye keda.. then suddenly the waiter comes to them and say a very loud “EXECUSE ME!” ana masm3tsh el ba2y but I saw the guy very politely bey2oum mn gamb sa7beto!!! Hoa law kano masryeen kan momken atfham bas hoa e7na 7ata bn3mel keda m3a el aganeb 7’alas!!! We cannot tolerate such acts 7’alas!! Hmmm

Melody tat7ada 2elet el 2adab!!!

أسست سلطات الأمن المصرية مطلع الشهر الماضي، قسماً جديداً لتعقب الناشطين السياسيين على الموقع الاجتماعي الشهير ‘فيسبوك’، ومواجهة انتشار المجموعات على المواقع المناهضة للحكومة والحزب ‘الوطني الديمقراطي’ الحاكم والرئيس حسني مبارك ونجله جمال.ويستهدف القسم الجديد، الذي يتبع إدارة مراقبة الإنترنت في وزارة الداخلية، رصد ما يدور في هذه المجموعات بدقة ولحظة بلحظة.

Incident no. 4:

Girl one: Nas keteer awy fatra ramdan dah “disgusted”

Me: El seyam dah 7aga maben el wa7ed w maben rabena

Girl one: y3ny eh beno w ben rabena?! Dah rokn mn arkan el islam!!!

Me: hoa ana 2olt 7aga bas we7na malna kol wa7ed 7or

Girl one: we7na malna ezay?! Akeed 7aga tez3al w b3den makanosh b2a 2alo el mortad 3n el den lazem yet2etel

Me:!!!!!!

Incident no. 5:

I was tagged in a note entitled  للمسلم وحبيبته المسيحيه والعكس… بطلوا استهبال انتوا الاتنين وكفايه غلط لحد كده

Incident no. 6:

Girl one: ana 3ayza a3ml dental braces bas my dad mesh rady 3ashan law galy 3arees

I have A LOT more from what I see and hear and read about everyday and maybe you won’t be surprised as I am and maybe it’s only me bas I’ve been feeling lately that I am living in مصر التي لا أعرفها